Making sense of the craziness!

Sometimes do you look back at the past week and say how on earth did I make it through? Well, last week was one of those weeks for one reason or another. Each day I felt like I couldn't make it through but I did and I am at the beginning of a new week full of anticipation and expectation of something better than the last week. So I wrote the below when I was feeling extremely low and for some reason since I was in the midst of the just keep swimming week I couldn't publish it. On top of everything last week I got the some sort of bug and have been quite unwell, maybe induced by stress, who knows. The last few days have been better, days that plod on instead of dread each moment forward. I still feel unwell but I don't feel as lost as I did.

Last week,
 
What do I want to say? There is so much but putting some thoughts into words sometimes eludes me, if only I could print my brain, it would be all the better. Today I was reading a blog about pre-toddlers and how they waddle around and their creative interpretations of the world. It also spoke of their transformation from baby to toddler and how amazing that is. It is amazing to watch a baby develop reaching the 'milestones', learning to crawl, exploring their world and climbing on everything. Sounds so exciting. As I looked for activities for my dear one and I find one here and there I get excited about showing Faith new things and activities. I feel like I don't get to show her that much sometimes with all the sickness and the constant feeding and teaching about food and the physiotherapy. I want to show her things, how much fun she can have. Help her learn to touch and pick things up. I'd like to feel like I have achieved something in a day with Faith so I now have a chart for the week outlining a daily activity, sensory, building, touch, quiet activities, lots of fun things and I aim for one fun planned activity a day at least. I am excited about having a plan so that when I am a bit overloaded I can just read the plan. So I am just trying to find the activities where I can see Faith explore, learn and develop. She is limited by not being able to sit up or crawl so I am really trying to be her hands, her legs but it is hard and I do find it tricky.

Just for a moment think how your toddler plays, running or crawling around, discovering new things. How does it feel to you? But to me, I see what I at this point cannot have and wonder will it ever be, what does it feel like, but I must hope that it will be, and for now this is my task. I don't know what it is like to have a toddler though I have one, a very special one whom I love dearly, I am just trying to make sense of my world and what it is and what it is not, but I am not looking for pity I am just trying to make sense of this craziness and this path I am on! Of course there is joy and that's what I must hold onto.