Do you ever feel that when it rains it resembles your own tears? I do, today as I see the rain fall I feel like that is my tears pouring out. My heart hurts when I see my little girl sick. I see flashbacks of past events and hours, days, weeks and months of pain for her and us. I am afraid of what might come and of what the future may be, I just hope and pray that is not where we are heading. Not yet, not ever. This is what happened, at last we tracked down some tins of Neocate Advance and decided we would give it to Faith. The last couple of days Faith hasn't vomited as much but still a lot and we haven't got everything ready to give the blended diet ago though we are keen to start. Faith had been awake since 4am, oh so tired. She just moaned and complained with silent patches every now and then, but by 6am I got up and she was ok, just glad to see someone. Faith was wet all over from sweat and after some distraction, a smile and chat came forth. But that is what most mornings are like as she recovers or vomits.
We usually give Faith zymil milk for the protein but this morning we were going to try Neocate Advance, after the first 50mls we stopped the feed just to see how she was going. So far so good and we restarted the feed about 45mintues later. What a disaster, she started sweating, pulling up her legs and she was really tense. We could tell it was tummy pain. We finished the feed as it wasn't far off being finished. After a short rest, a large vomit came and that the was the decider no more Neocate Advance. Our cheerful happy baby that we had yesterday was now a still, sad baby with an occasional forced smile. She didn't want to interact just lie there not moving much.
I know we all have bad days but Faith's bad days are so much harder since we have only had the last few months with her well... ever. I was hoping so much that this formula would work not make her feel worse. Finding a balance with formula is so tricky. I was reluctant to to try this formula as I didn't think it would fix the problem but I didn't think the effect would be this. To see her lying there all still, wet all over from sweat and with her legs pulled up was horrible, all because of a formula change. We gave her some panadol and it seem to help a little bit. She is now better than she was a few hours ago, probably good she had a vomit to get it out.
After several hours since her feed we decided to start another feed this time of energivit as it doesn't make her that sick. She is asleep, hopefully sleeping off the ill effects of the Neocate Advance. I must admit I am really looking forward to starting the blended diet. We are trying to organise the vitamix blender and waiting for a couple of books to arrive so we can make sure Faith is getting the right amount of calories and nutrients. As write I hear Faith wake and she puts her arms up to me and starts her babble. We stand at the window and she touches the blinds and chats light light and touches my face. She seems so much better. She still isn't her 'normal' self but she is better than hours before.