Friday, 24 August 2012

Yes, it does hurt at times!

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." -Unknown

I found this quote the other day and I loved it, it just summed it up nicely. The last several months our life situation has been picking up, Faith is growing and we have less vomiting, thanks to the blended diet, our house has sold and some equipment we have been waiting on has arrived. Faith is making wonderful small steps in a variety of areas and we are so blessed. Such wonderful positive news! But amidst good things sometimes feelings and emotions tend to catch up on me usually when I least expect it. As I have talked before I had a plan about how many kids how far apart that type of thing and though Faith is an amazing blessing and enriches our lives every day, we have made new plans and new dreams.  Life is precious and new life is something beautiful and when I see my friends who I was pregnant with at the same time having more children and of course they face challenges to but I must admit sometimes I do feel left behind. When I am more tired than usual and I have a bad day and I hear there most amazing news, I feel sad, because I wanted it too and I know my time will come too but it still isn't easy. 

When I got pregnant with Faith I was then included into the 'baby club' those who had babies were excited cause I was the same as them but when we came home from hospital and with Faith having special needs though I was very welcome in that 'baby club' I wasn't really included and didn't fit in. That is just the way it is and yes it did hurt for a while not being included and being forgotten but I have moved on and we have our own lives and we have lots of fun. I don't mean to sound harsh but at times it isn't easy and some people do tend to forget how hard it is. I had someone the other day ask me if I was using Faith as an excuse not to come to events and stuff and that is sooooo not true, it is just lack of understanding on that persons part and I thought they understood more than others and I was wrong. So yes it hurts.

I am learning how to handle somewhat harsh comments and not to compare myself to others and be completely content with my situation and it is hard at times but I wouldn't change it as it is my life! It is just like the poem, Welcome to Holland (By Emily Perl Kingsley)
And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And some of that pain will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland!   

For me I chose to rejoice in my life, I love my husband and my little daughter and I am happy to be here!

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