My mind has been working over time the last week. My thoughts went a little out of control and with a bit of less sleep I let them take hold. I have struggled at times to process everything that was happening around me. There were tears, some laughter and a crazy chat with an insurance guy (that made me laugh and distracted me) but also some serious thoughts.
I thought asking to have respite care at home was wrong.
I thought it made me a failure as a mother.
I thought I shouldn't need that extra help as I should be able to cope and manage on my own.
I thought I was doing ok.
I thought the tears that daily flowed were ok.
I thought I would feel uncomfortable.
I thought I could do it all.
I wanted to do it all.
I was wrong.
But as the day drew closer a realization that I was starting to become a little excited about some extra help. A little excited because for three hours, (twice a week for only six weeks) Faith would have a companion to read stories to her, do craft (she asks to do craft quite regularly during the day), be her hands to learn, grab, grow, explore and spend time talking to her. At first she was shy, but a walk around the neighborhood and some bee craft later, Faith made a friend. From then on Faith would tell me her companion was there for her and I shouldn't talk to her too much.
But, there is nothing like a stroll in the sunshine to clear the mind, soak up the beautiful Spring weather and just have some quiet peaceful moments. Days might be hard and many battles to fight and compromise on but there is many blessings. The only exception that, is magpie swooping season and we narrowly avoided a magpie attack. The man walking towards us with a stick above his head was a warning for us to take another route. His zig zag direction to confuse the magpie was not entirely working as it flew low and straight at him. But then there were tears as that was the direction Faith wanted to go and we didn't want to risk the wrath of the magpie.
Today, I realised the blessing of receiving some extra help and support. I didn't realize how much I needed that support but sadly in six weeks it will end (no more funding). But we are blessed to have six weeks of a companion for Faith. An extra pair of hands allowed me not to worry about Faith when I was making my numerous phone calls and completing my piles of paper work. Or perhaps I'd forget it all and play with the little man while his sister was distracted. It was such a relief to have some support during the day.