I never thought a wheel chair would be something that would excite me and I would long to purchase one for Faith. For a long time I tried to ignore the reality that she would need one. The physiotherapist talked to me about it but Faith seemed too little until the day I saw her try freedom. I guess it is akin to when a baby learns to crawl for the first time. There is that expectation in the baby's eyes, an eagerness to explore the boundaries and become more independent. A chance to make decisions even if small.
I jumped in as I do to get things done and arranged for a home trial. We had Faith settled in her trial power wheel chair and she had instruction on how it worked and she took off to the lounge room. Over the newly placed ramp and straight for the television collecting some of lounge on her way through. We had had a battle all morning that TV was for 'later' and she had made her first choice, that television was for 'now'. The look on her face was magical, it was an expression I had not seen before but it was mixed with happiness, joy, apprehension but a firm desire to just go and explore, be free. At that moment I realised my baby was no longer a baby but a little girl and wanted desperately to spread her wings. For so long I had carried her from place to place, trying to give her options of where to go but really making the decisions for her. It was time I let her go a bit. She was ready for making choices and seeing the world more on her terms than on mine and that's ok.
It has been several weeks since her taste of freedom and many times during the day I find her watching the movie of herself taking off towards the television and then she cheers ' hooray'. Looking at me expectantly. If only I could fulfil her wish.