Well, I didn't think I would be writing this from hospital but I am and as much as I hope to wake up and find it is a dream I do not wake and it is real. We came to Brisbane for a sleep study and it was our first big trip out with Faith's oral feeding. She didn't eat well that day because she couldn't eat the way she usually did. So after a long night we made it through the sleep and we awaited the results. Morning hours passed and we got a phone call saying the respiratory doctors could see us early and we were thrilled the sooner we could go home. The doctor had a grim face and added no she doesn't need oxygen anymore. The excitement and joy of this news was lost as my heart hurt and mind felt like I was entering a dreamworld, but no, this was real he said he wasn't happy with her weight. He said things that hurt to my core. He wasn't happy with what we were feeding her, nothing really, then the words that threw us, she looks to thin and she needs to be admitted to hospital and there was NO CHOICE. So many emotions ran through my mind, he was asking questions, all I could hear was NG tube and I was saying no, no, no, NG tube. He didn't get the message so with heart felt tears streaming like water falls down my face I spoke as firm as I could and said no NG tube and said why. My husband was as shocked as I was and trying to understand what was happening. How was this happening, she is eating and yes we were happy for help to increase calories and volume but surely no admission, surely not. But sadly there was no choice. I immediately called the Social Worker and asked for her help.
I have coped pretty good I think until this dark day that comes close to the worst day of my life, horrible things were implied and I might add were later proved WRONG with blood tests. The doctors were wrong but no apology came. Yes, our little one was dehydrated this day and she is extremely anxious about hospitals which made the whole thing harder for her. Most of that day I felt that my heart was twisted and pulled and stamped on and will try to delete the rest for the hurt that it brings.
5 days later we are still in hospital and we have accepted their help with formula and have been allowed to keep partial of her homemade food, need something real inside her. I do understand that the medical professionals are trying to help and want was is best for Faith but they had missed alot of factors or rather were ignoring them. We will get back to real food but for now we do need some help to get her weight up and there is more but I need to ponder some more on how to write it and explain how it all turned to a road less traveled.